End of the year reflection

I have over the course of this year learned that relationships are important. If nothing else, this is what makes a man stand up in the eyes of his fellow man. Relationships provide the “social glue” that makes things possible. It is obvious that no man will be joyously inclined to help a stranger. More likely than not, it is this “social glue” that forms the basis of many important “make-or-break” deals.

The first important relationship is the relationship of husband and wife. There is implicit in it the requirement of the element of trust. Two individuals who at some point of their lives committed to love each other until the last breath of one or the other (and sometimes beyond) must face the fact that, firstly, passions mellow down, while secondly, temptations abound. The trust that is invested in a relationship by one spouse is a delicate investment, involving that part of us that we cannot guard: our heart. It’s almost like that scene from the movies where a negotiator puts down his gun and takes the place of a hostage: He submits to the situation entirely.

The trust that builds relationships up is like that strong bond between molecules. One may look at a cup for example. The bonds between the molecules in the cup are strong, and have been formed by the fiery kiln. The cup is whole, and functions perfectly. If the cup was thought of as two halves, the two halves are perfectly joined, without any break in between. But consider the situation where the cup has broken: It is no longer a good cup. It fails to perform its original role: retain water.

But there are ways of making the cup whole again. It may be glued together. But if hot tea or coffee is placed within, the glue will dissolve and the cup disintegrates. However, if clay or glass is used to join the shards together again, and a kilning process is again undergone, the shards become joined strongly, and the cup can once again retain hot water. The appearance of perfection, however, is only a facade, as the cup has once been broken. If broken yet again, it is bound to be beyond redemption.

Another observation I have made is: When we see a sheet of paper that is half way torn, we tend to do either one of two things– First, we tear it up, or second, we glue it back together. If a newspaper was torn halfway and a portion of it was still dangling, we tear it up. If money is halfway torn, we use cellotape and stick it back again. However, it is obvious that if the tear was a small one, we tend to ignore it. If the edges of a paper are frayed, we tend to ignore it, as long as we can use it for our purposes. Nobody irons out old papers.

This shows me that human nature will push a man to either break a relationship entirely, or mend it to the best of his ability. It is against the grain of our nature to prolong the agony of a half-hearted relationship. However, because “tearing up” relationships have lasting repercussions, man is inclined to let things “dangle” as before. Instead, a different kind of “tearing up” takes place: Apathy. People become cold and distant, and in the case of husbands and wives, an unwritten divorce takes place. They may even reside in the same home, but lead separate lives.

Another important relationship I have had the chance to observe is the relationship of subordinate and superior. In truth, I have in mind the relationship of employer and employee, but upon further reflection I have found that the relationship is better categorized as subordinate and superior. A person becomes a subordinate through voluntary as well as involuntary factors. A person becomes a superior mostly through voluntary means, but there also remains the element of chance.

For example, in a political party, the subordinate is the new recruit. He wishes to join the party cadre, and must become a subordinate. He is willing to join. But, he oftentimes does not choose his superior. On the other hand, the superior becomes one by climbing up through political maneuvering and outfoxing others, while retaining favour in the eyes of Lady Luck. He climbs up very often because of his personal calibre as well as the team behind him (who are held together by his personal calibre).

Subordinates serve superiors, but expect remunerations. If looked at from an economical point of view, man suffers indignation and hardship because of utility. What utility does being a subordinate bring? There may be prestige, bragging rights. “I worked for Price Waterhouse Coopers and slogged until 2am,” someone may have told you. There may also be career advancement benefits for the subordinate. “I worked for Price Waterhouse Coopers, and gained experience in corporate finance,” as he may later inform an interviewer. Or there may be growth in personal skill and knowledge. That person knows that by working for Price Waterhouse Coopers, he taps into a network of the financial world, and gains knowledge and contacts that may be useful later on in life, when he starts his own company.

What could break the relationship of subordinate and superior? Factors that cause the break may be, firstly, humiliation; secondly, the feeling that one has been used; thirdly, betrayal; fourthly, in/voluntary termination of the relationship for reasons not linked to the other party. I admit that there may be more reasons, but these are the first few that come to mind. Of the four, the first three have much to do with feelings. Just like with any good relationship, there is a feeling of loyalty that must be inculcated. It is expected that subordinates should be loyal to superiors, but superiors must also be loyal to subordinates. Only then will the feeling of mutual security exist. It is comforting and a real boost to the working relationship when one party says, “I’ve got your back covered — do your thing.” It works both ways.

How are relationships linked to frugality? In the most fundamental of ways. When a relationship is bad, one party feels dissent and may decide to “punish” the other party in ways the other party never thought possible. One of the ways is by the outflow of money. Despite the frequent saying that “Money can be earned” it is clear that the accumulation of money takes time. Time is crucial to many people. In some circumstances, people fail because they do not have the ingredients when the perfect opportunity comes. One of the ingredients is money. Hence, when the wife spends lavishly on a 48 inch LCD television, she may be making her husband pay for his insensitivity and unfaithfulness. When the staff pilfer money or make exorbitant claims (which are untrue), they may feel no remorse for a boss who is by their standards, too calculative.

The nurturing of good relationships is one that should be in the mind of any frugal person. Of course, one can lead a hermit-like lifestyle. You can even grow your own crops nowadays. But as the saying goes: No man is an island. And another saying is: If you are going to do something, do it right. Man is by his existence with other men, bound to form relationships. Why not make them lasting, meaningful relationships? Frugality is only one aspect of it. There are a hundred other benefits to be reaped from good relationships.